Vonfuse(d) Me

I'm sitting over an essay once again. Although the previous times by this point of the night I usually had some idea what I was going to do. Not so tonight. I realised that I had researched the wrong focus of the question all the while. So now I'm trying to find other sources, with the library being closed, and another 13 hours to write 2000 words in. That actually makes it sound not so bad...

Weird how things have changed, though. At the beginning of the year I posted from here, about 4 metres away. Having finished my essay, reasonably cheerful, promising myself I wouldn't do this again. Here I am four months later, having lost and found myself, drinking Mate to stay awake, smoking to keep my thoughts in order, and listening to my ipod (that miraculously revived on Tuesday night after I hit it three times out of despair) to keep my emotions settled.

In general, since Wednesday morning things have been better. It took two things for me to get myself back together - my ipod coming back to life, and me waking up with a bad hangover and the other consequences of too much vodka. If it wasn't for this essay, this weekend would probably have been very nice indeed. But again, the good thing about essays is that they are worldly - they have an end.

And once this one is out of the way, I'll try to finish sorting out my life, write my ethics essay, and try to finish my philosophy of religion and philosphy of the mind essays, which are due right after the easter break. Which I will be spending in China, if I get my Visa, which I shall hopefully pick up on Wednesday. After that I can safely freak out about not having planned anything yet for this journey.

But then again, the moment is now. I am feeling strangely content considering what awaits me the next few hours. I hope it'll stay this way until I have handed in my essay.


Hugs from snowy Scotland :)

Current Music: Radiohead - Creep


EDIT: Maybe I've discovered the reason for my mood swings. I need somebody sane somewhere close to me. With sane I mean sane as The Ark defines it (It Takes a Fool to Remain Sane). Or maybe I need Mad People around me (thanks for pointing me towards this one, Doro...):
"The only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn, like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars and in the middle you see the blue centerlight pop and everybody goes 'Awww!' " - Jack Kerouac
There are few people like that around, especially here. Maybe another reason why I spend so much time reading blogs and on MSN.