Vonfuse(d) Me

... will soon do it again.

I will arrive at Oslo Torp at 14:55 on Monday, 8th May. In Flekke hopefully a day later.

I want to get away from here, too. Sometimes I don't care what I leave behind, what I let drop, and into how many pieces it might break. After all, it is only another four weeks.

Alternatively, I get upset because I have only four weeks to make sense of what this year has brought to me - and the one thing that I see positive seems to be falling apart

Alternatively, all that which I wouldn't mind breaking, I do mind breaking terribly much - after all, it is what keeps me here, and keeps me sane.

Alternatively, I feel so sick in my stomach that I cannot eat. Yesterday and today, and I doubt that it is only physical. But why do I mess with my own mind like that?

Alternatively, I can not concentrate on anything and start crying again. At least now I can do it. And fortunately there was somebody with me last night. This morning was not beautiful, either, but better.

Alternatively, I feel a sharp jab in my chest when I think too much, about people. It is good to forget about feeling sick. But usually leads to the not concentrating, too.


Alternatively, I listen to my ipod. The same songs over and over again. And then, with certain lines, all those feelings fade and I feel slightly elevated, hovering above the ground. But detached. It cannot last long, though. If I remember my essay, I feel sick, then I start thinking, then the jab, etc. Or I start thinking, feel the jab and so on.

But when I feel elevated, I smell the sea. And I remember the fjord. And I remember the difference between an escapist and an escapologist. An escapologist is one who is good at escaping, literally. That is what I do every time I leave St Andrews. An escapist is one who escapes into a dream- or fantasy world. That is what I do every time I leave the ground.

On Monday the 8th I'll do both.

Current Music: Kate Bush - Wuthering Heights